Thursday, 4 March 2021

Forever Changed

 



‘Forever Changed’

 

1:50 pm, January 5, 2021 … “You Have Cancer. Liver Cancer”

 

And with those words, my life is forever changed.

 

The doctor kept on talking. I know that he did. I heard his voice. But I didn’t hear a word that he said.

 

I didn’t hear him say …

“You’re lucky. We caught it early.”

“We caught this before you developed symptoms. Before you got sick.”

“Continue doing what you are doing. It seems to be working.”

“Stay positive.”

“We’ll get you into ‘the Centre’ as soon as we can.”

“There are excellent treatment options.”

“Your prognosis is good.”

 

Instead I heard the word “cancer” and everything went dark.

 

I had to sit down as his voice droned on.

I could see my family crying at my funeral. I sensed their sadness. I felt their loss.  

I understood their disappointment. 

I sank into my own darkness until it enveloped me. 

 

I wanted to cry. I felt like I should. But I couldn’t.

My body went numb.  All that I had were my thoughts.

 

I thought about my kids becoming the head of the family long before their time. 

I thought about my Grandkids and about how much they still needed me; about how much I still needed them.

I thought about my husband and the loss and the loneliness that he’d know yet again. 

I thought about quilts not finished; quilts still growing in my head; quilts yet to be started; quilts with so much left to say! 

I thought about daffodils and new gardens and walks by the water and the sun on snow and the birds at my feeder … and slowly I became aware of my doctor’s voice … 

 

I heard him say …

“You’re lucky. We caught it early.”

“We caught this before you developed symptoms. Before you got sick.”

“Continue doing what you are doing. It seems to be working.”

“Stay positive.”

“We’ll get you into ‘the Centre’ as soon as we can.”

“There are excellent treatment options.”

“Your prognosis is good.”

 

And with those words, my life is forever changed.



*NOTE:

Green is the colour associated with Liver Cancer.

The paint will have a matte finish once it is dry.





 


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