I Am

ARTIST’S STATEMENT

I Am

I remember the first time I thought that I might be.

It didn’t make sense that I was.

But how was I to know?

I wasn’t a hair dresser, or a florist, or a cross dresser.

They were the only ones I knew. I wasn’t like them.

So, I couldn’t be.

Maybe everyone had the same feelings as me. Felt like me.

That would make me normal.

And I lived my life as if I was.  Normal.

I dated. Women

I married and bought a house.

It was all as it should be.

Once I fell in love.  With a man.

We had a torrid affair.

And again, I thought that I might be.

But I had an infant son.

And I couldn’t be.

Dads couldn’t be.  It was 1975.

So, I forgot about it.  For the most part.

I remembered to straighten my wrist when the topic came up. Deepen my voice.

I acted more like a man. And I wasn’t.

Time passed. Years passed.

The world changed. I changed.

I rarely wondered if I was.  I knew.

One night, standing on a bridge. Contemplating.

I knew that I had to be. To go on. To survive.

And so … I am.